November | More & Space
I need to write. I need to talk about what a crazy two months it’s been. I need to vent about how hard it was to leave behind my friends and my family and my dog, move to a foreign country, and design a new life for myself with little more than the contents of a single packed suitcase. I need to explain how rewarding it has been, these first two months, to endure all of the strife and face all the obstacles and make all the mistakes that I have, and to still be here, exploring, content. Writing is for that exactly: that task of putting to words and paper the thoughts and moments that have shaped my time in Spain so far.
Unfortunately in the whirlwind of transition, words have felt further than home to me the past few weeks. I could have crossed the Atlantic, been to Boston and back again, countless times in the months it has taken me to ground my experiences to an expression.
This column. A few scattered journal entries. Details, moments, observations saved in the notes of my phone. Letters, written, sealed, sitting for weeks now on my desk. I’ve been searching for words to capture my experiences, to neatly record and package them up into simple little anecdotes, bite-sized memories of all shapes and flavors– and I’ve come up empty every time. What can I say? How can I possibly condense all the living I’ve been doing here into a few small paragraphs, a phrase, or even a single word? My time here in Spain so far can’t be summed up by one word, but it can be qualified by one: more. More difficult, more exciting, more tumultuous than I could have imagined. I’ve fallen down the stairs and battled bed bugs, I’ve visited castles and run through the rain. I’ve watched the sun rise and set, seen the stars twinkle over the city in twilight, felt every high and every low deeply, sharply, as I’ve carved out a new space, a new life for myself abroad.
More & space: the two greatest things this adventure has yet given me. With each passing day, I feel my soul being scattered to the winds, spread across oceans and continents. These fragments are seeds; where they land, deep roots grow and become landmarks, beacons, to the places where my heart knows home. I’m losing myself to these places. I’m chasing dreams, people, experiences– and I’ve never felt more alive, more me, in this new space I’ve made.
Devinne Zadravec is the social media editor for Atlas Addict Quarterly. Find her on instagram @devzad.